My life has been made up of the same things ever since I could remember: monotony, comfort, and a lack of adventure. Last year I decided that I didn’t want to always be stuck in a perpetual circle of wonder, and what-ifs. I wanted to burst through the same place-ness that my life continually offered, and I wanted to achieve something I never thought I could because I was so sick of sitting back, and feeling miserable about myself when I wanted to be happy for everyone else.
No matter what I achieved, I always had this sense that it wasn’t ever good enough. Whether I got an internship that I wanted, or an A on a project I did, I just ever thought I was worthy of it, and I never really understood why, but it always made me want to achieve more, or be better at more. I’ve always had a hard time with failure, because I’ve always had the sense that I would fail, because I thought I wasn’t worthy of the things I’d accomplished.
Here enters working out for me. After 6 months on the job hunt (and getting good interviews, but never getting the “good” call back), and after months and months of failing at relationships, or letting people down, this little gem strolls into my life, and I hate it. I hated it because it was hard, and I couldn’t run a mile in under 15 minutes, and it hurt to lift weights, and the soreness was unbearable, and it was hard, and time consuming, and I felt gross and sweaty. All of those things made me want to quit, because I felt like I was failing.
Until I saw that I lost 5 pounds in the first week, and I never looked back and I never will.
Workouts for me are all about achievement. You only get better every time you go, jumping in the car and driving to the gym is a feat destroyed the moment you walk into the gym. You get healthier, and stronger every time you pick up a weight. Each time you visit the gym, or you work out at home, you’re in a new place. Every lunge you do, or every run you start and finish puts you further on the path to being away from the old you. It’s such a nice feeling, especially when you hate the old you.
Lately I’ve felt like I’m just in a different place in my life than all of my friends. Alot of my friends are married, or getting there, and they know who they are, and where they’re going. I know exactly what I want to do in life (and I’m doing it, so that makes me feel great), but I have no idea who I am, or what kind of person I want to be.
But I’ve got an hour and a half, 5-6 days a week to come up to the solution to that while I’m doing a workout, trying to make myself better than I was the day before.