A few years ago, I had this “ugh” feeling. This “I look horrible in every picture,” “I feel awful in all of my clothes,” “my whole body just kinda hurts every day,” feeling.
Women are hard on themselves this way. I remember looking at myself in the mirror two years ago thinking “I’m such a mess,” when I was actually at one of my physical peaks. I’ve tried “changing my lifestyle” a lot. I’ve tried tedious plans, I’ve tried restrictive plans, I’ve tried plans that require an amount of attention that I just don’t have. I’ve tried them all. There have been very few times I’ve had support while doing it, but when I did have someone to cheer me along, I did very well.
One of my favorites was the approach where I just had fun, and I experimented, and I made it my “thing.” I did what I wanted, I tried new things, and it was really the birth of this blog.
I shared my inspiration, my goals, my setbacks and my full-on failures. I shared times that I felt hopeless, hopeful and proud of what I did. I shared everything, and I think that’s why it worked – I talked about it to anyone who would listen (and everyone who wouldn’t).
Yesterday, I got so fed up with what I was doing. I was laying on the couch and I was asking myself why I wasn’t making time for this anymore. How my workout schedule fell by the wayside, why I didn’t take the time to care about myself anymore. I got so busy making time for everything and everyone else, that I just kinda blew it for me. I hate everything about that.
Last night in a fit of insanity, I threw away every single thing in my kitchen that wouldn’t aid to my progress. Cake mix and frosting? Gone. Condiments I didn’t make myself? Gone. White Pasta? Not sure why I had it since I never eat it, but gone. White Sugar? Gone. Butter? Gone. If it came in a box of any kind, it’s GONE. I threw it all out.
So, here’s to hitting the re-set button. To making the effort to check-in every day. Here’s to setting 7 alarms on my phone to remind me when to eat, and when to work out until I build the habit and I’m used to it. Here’s to being fully aware of how I’m fueling my body, and to still having those days where it’s 1000% okay to eat a slice of cake or drink some wine if I want to. Here’s to throwing out what doesn’t work, and starting fresh. Here’s to doing it because I want to do it for ME, because if I want anything for myself, it’s to be healthy, full of energy, and proud to be me.