I’m pretty sure clothing will be my demise.
I have this one pair of slacks that fits completely perfectly, but they fit so perfectly that I wore them all the time, and eventually wore them out.
It prompted me to take a trip to The Gap, where I felt mildly out-of-place and a bit frightened. I had suddenly become too uncool (and old?) to shop at The Gap.
I’m 23, so the thought that I am outside Gap’s target demo was a shock to even me, but I still walked on hoping to find the pair of super skinny cropped slacks that I’d gotten about 6 months ago. I loved them. Because I have the most stubby legs, I’ve never been able to find pants that hit me at the right length. They’re either too long, or too short, or too weird-looking. Having combination tree trunk thighs, and tiny limb syndrome has allowed me to go my entire life with a weird pants length (which is why you see me in dresses 99.999999999999999% of the time). These are the only slacks that had ever fit me perfectly.
As I walked on, I couldn’t help but notice all the things that seemed weird to me. Bright pink jeans, tweed loafers, cords (in Houston…in September). I didn’t fit, but I was still looking for these slacks, and I just wanted to get out.
To make a really long story really short, I never found those pants. I found what appeared to be close to those pants, grabbed two sizes and made my way to the dressing room.
I grabbed the 14’s from the hanger and slid them on.
Over my knees? Check. Over my tree trunk thighs? Check. Holy crap? They don’t even make it close to buttoning, or zipping. HAHA.
I wasn’t surprised. The pair I was wearing were 16’s and they were starting to get a bit snug on me. I started the process all over again.
Over my knees? Check. Over my tree trunk thighs? Check. Will they button? Yes, but WOWohmygodthey’resotight, and they look terrible.
They were everything I hated about pants. They looked like high-waters, the bottoms weren’t skinny – they were boot cut, and they weren’t flattering. It was also really difficult to do the sit test in them.
I bought them feeling like “man, I’m going to CRUSH these pants. I’m going to work out so hard that these pants fall OFF. I’m also cool enough to shop at The Gap.”
I think I returned them the same week I bought them.
The thing about clothes buying when your body isn’t where you want it to be, is that it can be frustrating. You’re not happy because the things you want to look right totally don’t look right (but seriously NOTHING ever looks like it does on the models), and the things you want to fit totally don’t fit. Part of you, just a small part of you has to be okay with that, but the other part of you, the large part, should take that back and figure out how to change it. What can you do to make yourself happier, healthier, and getting a better fit on your stupid skinny slacks from The Gap.
I honestly haven’t had a moment to myself since I started working again, and I think the one thing I STILL struggle with is making the time I need to be healthy. I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, and she really pushed the issue of me taking care of myself, eating 6 times a day so I don’t faint from significant drops in my blood sugar, and continuing to exercise on a really strict basis to lower my body weight, and just doing things that keep me happy, and maintaining my weight. It’s no longer an option anymore. It’s something I HAVE to do, it’s just sadly not something that I have the TIME to do. Which is a horrible excuse that I hate.
The moral of this story is really that I’m not cool enough to shop at The Gap anymore, but also that when the pants don’t fit, you can’t wear them, and that may be a sign that it’s time to change.