All weekend I thought about how I wanted to tackle this post and why I was doing it. It was hard, and everything in me says not to post it, but I decided to go against everything I think, because I think this is a healthy process for me.
It will be three months in August that I went to the doctor, found out I was diabetic, and had to change every single thing about my eating, and workout habits. I had already started working out in March, but my eating wasn’t doing me any favors.
For three months, I’ve worked my ass off. I have some really tough days – ones where I don’t feel well, or I’m not sure if I can even get out of bed in the morning.
But I decided that accountability is the way to my heart. When I see pictures of myself, or film my videos, I have this internal reaction like “that’s not what I thought I looked like,” or “I hate this.” It’s such an unhealthy way of looking at myself. I know it too – and you can go back and read the blogs I used to write all the way back to 2009, I’ve changed so much.
But that was the point of this video. A cliff dive for me. Showing my progress in a way that makes me uncomfortable, a way that makes me cringe, a way that makes me SCARED. It’s all a part of the process. My process.
I will learn over time how to appreciate myself. I will learn how to love my body. It has been a rough go for a long time, but now I have a better reason to do it.
This VLOG was absolutely SO uncomfortable for me. Having to edit it even made me tense. You can listen to the reasons as I talk about it in the beginning, but jump to 4:04 to see all of my side-by-side comparisons.