Each year, the days dwindle down until we hit January 1 – the time of year where we all feel as if we can do better, and vow to change our lives. I feel that same way. The new year brings about a spirited time where you feel as if you can start over. You can get rid of the baggage of the year before and begin with a clean slate – the fresh chance for a new you.
Every year, my goal is to lose weight and to get healthier, but this year it’s really hanging over my head because it isn’t just for fun anymore. If I don’t change, my life does. It already has this year, but it has an impact on my future.
Everyone has a little bit of motivation within themselves to move forward and to keep things going, but as I’ve had some time to myself, I keep thinking about why I’m so scared and reluctant to change my habits, and to do this for the better.
I’m afraid it isn’t going to be enough
Weight loss is this subjective thing – if I lost 20 pounds, I would look great, but it’s not enough for my health. Right now I’m in the same place I started four years ago, but what I’m afraid of is that I’ve never made it under 200 pounds, so I’m not sure if I can do it. I’m afraid that when I get there, I might not be able to make it any further, because I never have.
This is my body at 200 pounds. I was super strong, muscular, and healthy. It took me a lot of hard work to get here. 2-4 hours in the gym 6 days per week, a protein schedule and cooking for myself every single day – for a year, I only enjoyed dinner out on a few occasions.
I’m afraid that I’ll fail again.
Here I am, four years later back to point A, but in a much worse position and it’s scary. To me, getting healthy and getting in shape was a triumph, but I can list almost all of the things that led me back here, including myself. All of this is up to me – how I’m encouraged, how I find a way to stay accountable, how I keep at it. It all depends on me, or else I fail again. But if you know me, you know that I absolutely hate doing anything wrong.
I’m afraid I won’t see it
One of the reasons I took so many pictures during my weight loss four years ago is because when I began to make progress I couldn’t see it. People around me would tell me how much weight I’ve lost and how good I look, but it was hard for my brain to catch up with my body. That was the weirdest feeling for me, because I never saw it until I didn’t have it any more. It’s one of the hardest things to deal with when you lose weight. There’s a part of you that wants instant gratification, but it takes time for your brain to catch up with the changes your body is making. That’s why milestones like loose clothes are so important. It’s a physical connection your brain can make with your body, so you don’t feel like you haven’t done anything.
I took pictures for almost a year, and was still hard for me to see progress when I would look in the mirror, but look how much progress I made – it’s a lot to be proud of.
I’m afraid I’m broken
I keep thinking that I’m going to try this again, but maybe it won’t even work for me. Because I’ve tried before and it didn’t work, and I tried really hard. My fear is that I can’t do it again. I read all of these studies this year about how if you’ve lost large amounts of weight in the past, it becomes easy for you to gain it back and difficult to lose it again. I keep wondering if that’s going to happen to me.
I was starting to get some abs, and I wasn’t afraid at all to show my stomach.
Losing weight seems like this easy resolution to put on your list, but it takes so much hard work, determination and daily care. It isn’t just about eating and exercising – it’s about surrounding yourself with support, finding encouragement where you can and taking the steps to take care of your mind and your too.
More importantly, even if you’re afraid of it, you have to convince yourself that you can do it. I have all of these reasons to be afraid of the process. They’re all valid to me, but looking at the toughest things about losing weight and remembering that I broke past them before is the best way that I can keep myself going and stick to my resolution through the upcoming new year, and the next, and the next.