Of the time I’ve had this blog, I don’t think I’ve ever talked about a great, surprisingly real relationship in my life. This is the first time I’m really talking about life with Bryan.
It had been on my mind for a while to write this series of posts because I’ve been holding in all of my feelings, and hopes, and the things that make me fall more in love with this man every single day. I never knew how to tell the story, or who to tell it to, or why I should even tell it. Writing has always been catharsis for me. It has always been a way to expel the bad things, and get over the things that hurt, but I never took to writing as a place to see the good. That’s something Bryan has completely changed about me. I’m always seeing the good in everything.
After nearly 10 months of dating, 4 months of living together, and almost a year of knowing each other, it’s safe to say that Bryan and I have settled into life with each other. Living together is interesting, though – every day is so different for us, and ridiculously fun.
I didn’t know it when I met him, but Bryan got pulled into my life at a time where everything was just changing. I had no idea where my life was going, and things always just felt weird. I didn’t feel like I had a place anywhere. I was just kind of stuck.
I met Bryan, and things just kind of turned around. I found my mirror in every way (except for him being a white guy :-P). Even our first date was something I didn’t expect. I had a nice time with a nice guy, and never in my life had I ever just had a nice time with a nice guy. It was special to me.
If you didn’t know, Bryan and I decided to move in together around May of this year. We kind of joked about it on the way home from his parents’ house one late, rainy night while we were driving back to my place, but my lease was ending, and he was starting school at The University of Houston, and it just seemed like it was supposed to work out. The timing was ridiculous.
We had endless conversations about what living together would be like and what it would mean. We even talked about if wanted to do it. “Are you going to have your nose buried in work all the time?” is something he would ask me. “How often are you going to be playing video games?” is something I would ask him. We had this ping pong-like back and forth of questions for each other, from “what kind of sleeper are you?” to “what kind of family unit do you want when we grow old together?” Both of us understood the seriousness of our decision, and what it meant for the rest of our lives. If we ever broke up, it would be messy, and torturous. If we hated living together, we couldn’t go back on it. If this wasn’t the right decision, it was something that we would have to think about forever.
It wasn’t just moving in together because of convenience, or because wanted to see each other more. It was moving in together partially as a test tube of what our future lives would be like (with my super messy habits, and his almost OCD cleanliness), but it was also a leap for the both of us – neither of us had any real hesitations, but our families were so on board with our decision, and that was the most remarkable thing to me. Neither of us were more in love, or trusted anyone more. We both felt ready enough to take the leap.
The hardest part for me was talking to my parents about it, and getting their “blessing.” My mom and dad know everything (seriously), and if they had any hesitation, I trusted that. I would re-evaluate what I was thinking. They were both really supportive, and it was exactly what I needed. I wanted some outside counsel that wouldn’t judge, or play devil’s advocate. I just wanted brutal honesty, and overwhelmingly, most people thought we were making a good decision for ourselves.
I look at Bryan everyday, and I wonder how I got so lucky. Living together does not come without it’s hard days. Some days, we both just need space. Some days I’m working the night away, and he’s playing video games. Sometimes we both have late nights, and the only thing we can do is curl up next to each other in bed and say “I love you” before we both fall asleep. I’m excited about where we’re headed. It’s weird to me sometimes to feel joy because someone else is making me feel that way, but I wouldn’t trade life with Bryan for the world. Every time I walk into our apartment, I just think: “I made the right decision.”