I’ve been in the process of re-doing my blog for two weeks or so, and I’ve unearthed these funny blogs that I forgot that I’ve written. One that I wrote, “Things I absolutely positively won’t miss about being fat,” was one of the funniest, and yet the most cruel one I’d written. I listed out aalllllll of the things I wouldn’t miss about myself. Some things that I could do, and some that I couldn’t that reminded me that I was a changed person.
I revisited that list, and I keep having these waves of overwhelming feelings. I had worked so hard, but I’m on a worse end of the spectrum. I tried, and I keep trying, but for some reason, the focus falls away from me, and onto everything and everyone else (my bad). I keep thinking “Damn, I don’t know what it’s like to NOT miss some of those things anymore.”
It made me think of all of these things that I hate about being out of shape, and things that I never want to deal with again like:
- I’m afraid someone is judging what I’m eating.
- I can’t run fast without feeling extremely winded afterward.
- I lost the best ability – the sexy leg cross. *Sigh* Thunder thighs means sitting like a dude FOREVER.
- My posture sucks – mostly because my tummy gets in the way.
- Yoga is now uncomfortable.
- I’m thinking about my size ALL the time. I don’t have any empty brain space. It’s Bryan, Work, I haven’t seen my mom in a really long time, and the space I occupy.
- I can’t order cute clothes online anymore because my defensive lineman shoulders look like J.J. Watt tried to put on a too cute Ann Taylor Loft dress. I love J.J. Watt, but I don’t want his shoulders.
- The double chin is sadly back. SO SADLY.
- I weigh more than my boyfriend.
- I’m afraid I won’t be able to fix it, no matter how hard I try because I KEEP trying, and I’m not fixing it.
Consistency is the key to all of this. I can’t be great one day, and just “do whatever” the next. I can change most, if not all of those things. It’s a choice really. I just have to refocus, the attention on me, for the sake of me. I have to make sacrifices to make this work because I want it to work. forever.
3 Responses
Way to go for being honest not only with yourself but the whole internet! Sometimes that is the hardest part – just saying it like it is. I hope you can make the time for yourself that you need to make some changes, but in the mean time – have grace for yourself!
Thanks, Melissa. This encouragement is really awesome; I appreciate your kind words! Remembering to have grace for yourself is so hard, but It makes you realize that you’re human.
I know you can do it Mila. Rachael and I are doing a 10 day green smoothie detox diet. I don’t have the book, but her friend did it and told us what to do. Eat 3 green smoothies a day, low sugar fruits, vegetables, up to 3 hard boiled eggs, salad (very little or no dressing). It’s easy to make the smoothies w/the NutriBlast. I have more energy. This could give you a jump start on your weigth loss. After the 10 days, you replalce 1 smoothie with a light meal. You are talented, and can cook great tasting healthy dishes. Miss you and Bryan.